Ghosting is Not About You
No matter how you slice it, ghosting should never be the answer to ending a relationship. It signals that you have little respect for the other person and their time.
That said, it's important to remember that while you're at the center of your dating life, you're not responsible for every little thing that goes on within it and you can't take responsibility for everybody's actions toward you.
Everyone holds onto and moves on from rejection differently, but it's important to treat yourself with grace and give yourself time to feel better about the situation.
Why Do People Ghost?
They're just not that into you.
People make time for the things they care about—even if that means making time to break up with someone. If someone's not interested in you or feels like they haven't invested that much time in the relationship, then they may feel they "don't owe you anything or owe you that ending conversation.” It's also hard to gauge someone's level of interest in or expectations for a relationship without having upfront conversations. Getting ghosted becomes less shocking when you've already set expectations and have a clear understanding of what page the other person is on.
They got too busy and dating stopped being a priority.
While it's true that people make time for the things that are important to them, it's also true that life sometimes gets in the way. A tough time at work or family issues can easily distract you from a still-early courtship with a person you haven't met more than once. A natural reaction to that is to remove yourself from certain spaces, and for some, that space may be dating. Ending communication altogether isn't the most effective way to go about things, but in the moment it can seem like the least complicated. Sometimes taking breaks from dating due to dating burnout is necessary, and unfortunately, people can be collateral damage in the process.
Too much time passed by.
Have you ever stepped away from a conversation for so long that it becomes hard to navigate your way back into it? Well, that's a common occurrence when dating and can be brought on by many things: basic forgetfulness, a busy schedule, juggling too many potential partners. In the beginning stages of dating, a text or call can easily slip through the cracks—especially when conversations are facilitated through dating apps. Once a decent amount of time has passed, it may just seem easier to let that relationship go and not address the silence.
They couldn’t see it working out.
Surprisingly, believing in the idea of fate may play a large role in whether people ghost or not. Those who believe in "soul mates" and "the one" are more willing to abruptly end a budding relationship if they think it's just not in the cards for this particular relationship. In this case, it's no one's fault. It just wasn't meant to be.
It has to do with timing.
Some people may feel they don't owe the other person anything, including a conversation explaining why the relationship is ending, because of the amount of time they were seeing each other. If they feel they haven't invested a lot of time or emotion in the relationship, then there's no need for an explanation.
You are worthy of love.
Sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.
“Life is so beautiful to feel that you’re not enough, just because somebody treated you less than what you deserve.”
How to Let Go After Being Ghosted.
Some people handle rejection and feelings of abandonment better than others, but that doesn't mean they aren't hard pills to swallow. When ghosted, a lot of people tend to feel insecure and question themselves rather than the person who did the ghosting.
Ghosting can create unease and leave situations with loose ends, and those looking for feedback may have appreciated a conversation. Do a mental check-in with yourself and ask, if the person who ghosted you came back to give you an explanation, would you be ready to hear it?
Remind yourself that it really isn’t you, it’s them.
Ghosting is a form of passive rejection and it’s also indicative of emotionally immature people. It doesn’t feel like it now, but they really did do you a favor by disappearing from your life. You can’t have a healthy relationship with someone who can’t be honest with how they feel.
Reframe your idea about them.
Part of the confusion after being ghosted is their disappearance is completely opposite of how they treated you before. It’s hard to let go because you can’t make sense of them leaving. But ghosters are emotionally unavailable, and anyone who would completely leave your life without explaining is insensitive, rude, and emotionally manipulative. The person you thought they were doesn’t exist, so reframe who this person was.
Stop beating yourself up.
Practice self-compassion and be understanding of the decisions you’ve made. Hindsight is always 20/20. When you’re the victim of ghosting, you feel used and thrown away. Feeling sad and depressed turns your anger inward and that’s the wrong direction. Connecting with friends and telling them what happened helps both you and your friends. Ghosting has become normalized with online dating and understanding the harmful effects helps categorize it as the rude behavior it is. Practice self-kindness by reminding yourself that there are no warning signs of who is a potential ghoster.